Saturday, September 18, 2010

An Excersize in life examination...

One of the sweetest people I know, my dear Connie suggested some time ago to go through your house, pretending to be someone else.  The pretense- your death.  What would your things say about you?

The bibles littered throughout my house so I am never physically too far from the Word to use it. Does that really show that I am a christian, or just a pretty crazy book collector who just collects one kind of book. 

The mess of toys, the shrines I've made of the walls of pictures of my kids, the stains on the carpet.  Does that really show I want the most amazing life for my kids, does it communicate that I hope to never hear the words..."I never really had a childhood" from them.

The art work on the walls- not Van Gough, or even Kincade, but star charts my kids and I have made to reward positive behavior and Sunday School crafts.  Will it say I chose to invest in lives rather than stuff?
Or just that I was too cheap to buy anything to pass on the these kids whose lives will (Lord willing) go on after mine stops?

My journals and journals of prayers, will they show faith in a God who has yet to let me down? Or will they seem like a beggars soul died before her body did?

Will the notes I've taken, the cards I've received, the letters written on lined pieces of notebook paper all saved and stored in my top drawer bring joy to their readers like they did me?

Will the pile of reciepts, napkins, box lids, and other make-shift stationary guests in the restaurants over the years have left me... "you're the best server we've ever had." "Thanks for the prayer," "We just found out were pregnant." "I can tell you are a caring mom," "best service ever," etc, and yes I have kept them ALL- will those make someone smile in grief.  I suppose I am being presumptuous that someone would grieve for my death.

After all if anyone knows me at all, I would hope they would just use this as an excuse to have a potluck, mimosas and tell stories. 

I guess this all comes about because someone wrote a piece that told of our relationship, and she actually saw me as I hope people will.  When I tearfully read it to my husband, he said "Whoa, thats the kinda stuff you hope people say about you at your funeral!" I said "No, I hope people say this stuff behind my back!"

I hope that on my tombstone my husband or children I leave behind remember what I told them I want engraved:

"I had a great time, thanks for having me." but moreso, I hope it makes sense to them. 

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